can't compete

CAN'T COMPETE

RISE UP

RISE UP

Albuquerque co write

SANTA FE


I did a concert in New Mexico this past weekend and I had the crowd join with me to write a song.  They chose the chord progression and lyrics.  I had to add some more when I got home but this is the song we came up with.

Jesse jumped through the purple blank where her heart ran

Friday blew the window through like a huge fan

The plant and saturn and the lovely drum they loved

The wide and narrow and in between above

Santa Fe different wore her shirt tucked in elated so she danced

Jesse tied to a tree outside with her name tag

washed her car with an old guitar and a torn rag

The road and water and tiny drops they skipped

The book and picture and bowl of tears were tipped

A pause

A PAUSE

life so busy.  so so busy.  it means something if you can make someone pause.

Little Crazy

LITTLE CRAZY

Penned Finger Tips

PENNED FINGER TIPS

song that didn't make the Jesus Culture album but was recorded with them

MY CUP YOU DRANK

Humble God crucified in weakness
How can I speak this
A love bruised for me
Wine spilled out
Why this wasted life
How can a God be broken
Torn up on a tree

My cup you drank
My cup you drank
You did not give me up to death

You bent down
You walked among the broken
Forgiveness was spoke
the price was your crown

He was pierced
Our punishment upon him
A lamb lead to the slaughter
By his wound we are healed

I DO WANNA WALK HERE

I DO WANNA WALK HERE

COMPLICATED LAYERS

COMPLICATED LAYERS

cobblestone streets
a light weight sound
periodic waves of warmth
then the sun goes down
when the sun makes her appearance
scarves and sweaters while the cold air blows by
trapped inside the smell of cinnamon
and sudden layers and complications seem ok
seem ok

THE LAST

THE LAST

Oh how I ran with chained feet
Morose were days whose eyes fell late with joy
And bent like the willows by early spring
My spine was weak and narrow from everything

I dug with haste to make my stubborn chains
Barricade my heart from you again
You cast your spell like seed on an open field
In hope a harvest late in life would yield.

Then I let go with eyes closed
and fall I did into a complex web
she held me here and I learned to trust
and told me I could walk on the other side

I trampled the strong the shoots of spring in vain
cause hurdle death they did and grow again
they grew like vines to towers where I climbed my best
to reach the first the now to reach the last

WILCO LYRICS with my melody

SHOT IN THE ARM
This is a song that I stole the lyrics from a Wilco song before ever hearing it and then wrote my own version. Listened to original afterwards.  It was a writing exercise.

WAS I IN YOUR DREAMS

Another Wilco song.  I love these lyrics so much.  

PIEHOLDEN SUITE

Wilco #3

It's a fun exercise to look up lyrics of other artists and think what you think the song would sound like, write something and then listen to the original and see how far off you are!

I'm pretty pitchy at parts but... whaaaattttteever.

Also I was out of wifi for a few days so that's why I didn't post.  I thought I would do 3 today to make up for it. :)

Let me come

Let me come

Proverbs 31 stresses me out.

PROVERBS 31 (click title to hear song)

I'm really exhausted.  I just thought I would find some scripture to sing because I just have nothing to say right now.

And I opened up Proverbs 31 and didn't really read it over.  I just started to sing.  I found myself weeping by the end and I wondered why.

Perhaps my own shame and feelings of failure as a wife.  Perhaps the striving of women with so many more demands on us now than have ever been in the past.  We have this standard that we are always reaching towards.

More women feel guilty than ever before.  More women are working. More women are exhausted, burned out, on medication for depression or trouble sleeping. They say maintaining a household is a full time 40 hour a week job and then some women are also working on top of that creating the equivalent of 2 full time jobs.  Luckily there are many men who have stepped up in the homes to contribute more which is helpful for women.

Who can find a virtuous wife?  Well some men certainly have.  I can think of lots of amazing wives out there.

I've never tried harder at anything in my life than I did at being a successful wife.  I realize now in hind sight that the whole thing is subjective.  It didn't feel that way at the time.

I'm not a wife now. But still I look to this character from the end of a book of the bible that haunts me and makes me feel like I still have to do more.  She makes me feel like I am never quite enough.  Get up before it's even light out, works with wool and flax, she's shipping in food. She's providing for her family AND her female servants (might be nice to have a few of those around though for the busy days) Oh and ps - I bought a field today and had a bit of time in the afternoon so I planted a vineyard.  I went to the gym cause I'm supposed to have strong arms for this vigorous work.  On the way home she is trading who knows what with who knows who.  And you know why her lamp does not go out?  I'll tell you why!  Because she fell asleep reading!

But wait it doesn't stop there.  (No kidding her husband had full confidence in her!  Heck so do I!  Can she be my mom?!)  As if she hasn't quite done enough, she opens her arms to the poor and extends herself to the needy.  And I know some of you must be worried about winter but not her!  She has no fear cause she has clothed everyone in scarlet (?????)   She didn't just go out to Target for new sheets for her bed, she MADE the bed coverings.  And hey let's face it, she dresses well and she night as well!   I mean she is making clothes on the weekends and selling them so she might as well wear her own products.  It's good for sales!

I'm stressed out just thinking about it but not her! Oh no!  She LAUGHS at the days to come!  And she drinks how many coffees a day?  Thank God her kids like her!  And no kidding she is wise.  you couldn't pull of that kind of life without some serious wisdom.

And her husband high fives her when he comes in at the end of the day and is like "dang! you're incredible!"

She is intimidating no doubt.  

Who can find her?  She is everywhere.  She is in all the women I know.  She is the heart of woman.  She is at the doctors office with her kids, doing the grade 4 homework project that is way over her kids head.
She is racing from work to the soccer game when she remembers that it's her day for oranges so she races in and grabs them on her way.
She sits in political offices fighting for change in nations.
She owns a coffee shop down on Victoria street where she makes home made soup each day that packs the place out.
She is in the gym at 5:00 am... no wait... 6 am?  K maybe 6:30 if she's lucky at least let's say 3 times a week. (she's working on that)
She is laying down beside her daughter before bed listening to her daughter read.
She is meeting with the financial consultant to plan for the future.
She is everywhere.  Who can find her?  I dare say that if you're a woman, then you are her and if you are a man, then you know her.


So as much as we are tempted to feel guilt and shame in our journey of womanhood, I think there is room today to put up our feet, pat ourselves on the back and say we're doing a good job!

he weighed me down

HE WEIGHED ME DOWN

Think of you

THINK OF YOU (click title to listen)

When the night lays down beside me
And the windy star sprinkled trail up in the sky
leads me to the moon lit laughter on my pillow
I think of you

When the shadows sit in humble patience
Content to never strive
And somewhere in their possession is beauty never seen
I think of you

When all alone through the clouds I never see
A star winks down and reminds me
That all the finest works of art are ones too distant for our eyes
I think of you

Oh there she is
The top left corner of my window
It's like she waves each night
With a brilliant smile
And reminds me
To think of you

I HAVE TO RANT!!!

JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE (click title to hear song)

I feel a rant coming on and that probably means I should text TM first so she can nail me down a bit but I think this time I am just gonna let it fly.

Is it just me or does anyone else find that Christians can be one of the most selfish entitled groups of people on the planet?

Sure that's blunt but at least give me a second to unwrap that.

It seems like we have faith and entitlement somehow intertwined in a way that it's not meant to be.

I'm gonna look up entitlement in the dictionary just to see exactly what it says....

en·ti·tle

n-tahyt-l]  Show IPA

verb (used with object), en·ti·tled, en·ti·tling.

1.

to give (a person or thing) a title, right, or claim to something;furnish with grounds for laying claim: His executive positionentitled him to certain courtesies rarely accorded others.

2.

to call by a particular title or name: What was the book entitled?

3.

to designate (a person) by an honorary title.

So it looks like I'm referring to the first definition.  This says "to give" a person or thing, but I think problem #1 is that we don't wait to be given anything.  We give it to ourselves.  We demand it from others.  And so what do we give ourselves?   We give ourselves titles, rights, and we claim things.  

- I should have that.

- I'm a Prophet so you should honor me.

- I should be allowed to get something without having to give. 

etc

What that ends up looking like is arrogance. We think we have rights to things and titles. We qualify our entitlement with faith. "I'm just believing for this." or "I sense this in the Spirit"   THEN we disqualify ourselves from any human responsibility because don't you know???.... I'm entitled! 

Ever known anyone who works in the service industry?  Specifically food industry?  Do you know that the most dreaded day for them to work is a Sunday?  You know why?  Cause they say that the restaurants are full of Christians and that means low - no tips.   And why don't we tip?  We feel entitled to service without having to give back?  I don't know I'm just asking, rather stating with a question. 

If we were to see this behavior in our kids we would call them.... wait for it... spoiled!   And really that's what we are like.  

We think we deserve things, are owed things. (and I'm not saying that we don't! for the record!) But regardless of faith, there is still the principle of sowing and reaping.  If we want respect, walk worthy of respect.  If we want understanding, seek to understand.  

Its as though we can say "well I'm just believing for this" and then somehow that disqualifies us from any human responsibility.   And then to top it off we are lucky enough that when things go wrong we can just blame the devil. So all around, we have managed to create for ourselves a pretty responsible free environment.  

We would never say it because we would look like a 2 year old on the floor in Walmart (what's UP with that?!) but inside we have this attitude of "well I just should have this.  I deserve this.  I shouldn't have to give anything, praise God."  We literally think that both God and man owe us something.

David Ruis used to always talk about how he lived open handed and it impacted me tremendously.  I thought this - what if we lived as though no one owed us ANYTHING.  (Just follow me for a sec)  What if no one owed us loyalty, friendship, service, honor, etc?  Can you imagine how our attitudes would change?  Suddenly when someone gives you loyalty, rather than thinking "darn rights she owes me that!" you would think "that's a real gift and I'm thankful for it and I recognize that she doesn't have to give me that but choses to."   It creates thanksgiving and that is one of the opposites of entitlement.

By all means, have faith, believe for whatever you'd like, but let's carry ourselves with grace and thanks, being willing to give the very thing that we want from others.  Let's not stomp the ground and cross our arms and expect to be served.  Rather let's attempt to stumble our way along the path of humility and thanksgiving. 

Don't you just wonder what happened to inspire that rant?  

You rain love

YOU RAIN LOVE

Everyone has to have something to hold onto in the storm