Long tailed dancing wheat

LONG TAILED DANCING WHEAT (click titled to hear song)

Color of Grace

Color of Grace

Just for fun I have to tell a story.  I was at a conference recently with a couple friends and there were a few prophetic people there that were bothered by my/our presence.  Apparently we were making a disturbance in the spirit.  That's unfortunate!  Don't you think?

I wonder if it was because we were having fun.  Perhaps we should have been uptight and warring, keeping our eyes open for possible battles in the room.  Did we not raise our hands enough? Cause we didn't dance maybe!

I find it slightly hurtful and mostly ridiculous.  Did I mention mostly ridiculous?  

How has the "prophetic" become so arrogant and presumptuous?  What right does one person have to cast such judgement on another?  Maybe we were actually paving the way for God's presence that night.  Never know.

How does the prophetic give us the right to stop listening to each other, to stop loving each other?  Ever had someone have a "word" and then they don't even listen to you anymore because their mind is made up about you?  Where can we even go from there to walk together as a community of people?

If love is not the center, I have to doubt the word.  Anyone can be critical.  That's not prophetic!  Anyone can walk into a room and find fault with people. That doesn't take God.  That takes humanity.  What takes God is to see through humanity into the goodness in people.

If I speak with the tongues of men and angels and have not love.... (maybe that can be tomorrow's song)

Spiritual things can be so subjective and yet we walk around like we are the ultimate authority of everything that goes on around us.

I remember in Lakeland (oh yeah. Lakeland... speaking of judgement) and I went into this totally strange worship moment where I was blowing air into the mic like the sound of a storm or something. It was for sure out there.  I loved it!  Todd loved it!  Afterwards one of the other leaders came up to me and said "I did not get that at all!" And that's totally fine.  He is free to not get it and I am free to enjoy it. That's why we are a body with different flavors and tastes and preferences.

I like red and you like blue and I can't stand purple and somehow that needs to be ok.  I like a loud service. You like a quiet one.  I like this topic you like that one.  You like dancing with a tambourine and that drive me nuts.. I mean... it all works together.  (someone throw me a high five!)

But the people who like red "discern" that the people who like blue are "off" and the people who like "purple" all huddle in the corner and tell each other how purple is the only way.

Prophetic should be how we call each other into the best we can be, how we speak life and destiny over each other.  It should be how we love each other in the face of struggle.  It's how we see in the storm! Prophetic should above all be the heart of God for a person, not the judgement of man.  I've been that myself. I get it.  I've been judgmental and thought I "knew better".  (In fact I'm feeling pretty judgmental of those ridiculous prophetic people right about now)
But the highest place we can ever stand is in the place of love and love trumps all.  If your "word" separates you from people, it might be time to question if it's really a word.

At least if nothing else, we gave the prophetic people something to do that night.  They were able to fight off the darkness that we brought in.  They might have been bored otherwise so in the end... all things work together for good for those who love God.

Time After Time

TIME AFTER TIME (click on title to hear song.  This is NOT my song. It's a cover of Cindi Lauper's)

I feel like I have an invisible friend or enemy depending on how you look at it.  Let's call the friend "he" just because we have to call it something.

I'll describe him.  You know him actually but you might not have thought of him in the way that I do.

He is very faithful.
He is compassionless.
He can be the most valuable friend you'll ever have.
He is stubborn.
He never lets you down.
You can't get away from him no matter how hard you try.
Sometimes you just can't get enough of him.
He knows who he is and he won't change for anyone.

His name is Time.

I sometimes feel like I"m trapped in a very prison and I'm claustrophobic.  I beat the walls.  I shake the bars.  I scream at the top of my lungs and no matter what I do, I can never sway time.  It isn't moved by feelings, by whether I want more of it or less of it.  Whether it's presented to me in hours, years or seconds, it remains unrelenting.

If I consider the moments when I am most alive and filled with hope, I want it to slow down.  I want it to stretch out as though a second might be able to swayed to pause between beats.  Or if I think about what it would feel like if someone close to me was dying, time would become the most precious thing I could have.

And if I consider the moments of pain.... you know... I'm sure you've heard it before, people say "it just takes time".  It just takes time?  Suddenly it becomes this cold stubborn thing that I can never get away from.  And so I sit myself down on the prison floor and listen to it mock me.  I know that no matter how I beg or plead, cry all the tears in the world, shout enormous shouts of joy, savor every moment, long, love, hate, fear, hurt, laugh, I will never cause it to be moved.

Thankful

THANKFUL (click title to hear song)

I AM

I AM (Click on title to listen)

The Shape of You

THE SHAPE OF YOU (click on title to listen to son

I am looking for you from the moment I wake to the moment I close my eyes
And even in my dreams there is always a place
And it's made the shape of you

And in the sky and in the stars
The mountain side
The way the colors reach my eyes
All I want is to find
Find you there
To find you there

And when I do my heart is filled
With worship and wonder I am filled
I am yours

IN YOUR HEART (click on title to listen)

I walked some long long pathway to the northern chamber
you brought the midnight sun in the dark night of the soul

And I arose for the midnight dawn
For the lightening strikes
for the red stained wrongs

I'll sleep well to know the snow falls
And I'm inside the walls of your heart
I'll find rest on this crooked line
Cause I'm yours and you are mine

You showed me symmetry of soul
And gracious artistry
you showed me eyes filled full of generosity

Purple Hues

PURPLE HUES

I recently had a dream about a friend.  He's not the kind of friend that I see all the time but one that has really touched me deeply and who has been there for some very important moments in my life.

I dreamed he died... frankly... and like most people would react, I thought "I never told him...."

The people we see regularly, I would guess, know how we feel.  We communicate more to them.  They see our emotions in our actions.  Things like that.

But sometimes there are people who mean a lot to us that aren't frequent enough, perhaps, to know just how much they mean.  And yet, we often don't tell them.

The unique thing about this friend

As much as I can relate to people around me, there is a large part of me that can't if I'm honest.  I find myself often looking around thinking - wow, I really don't fit here!

But this friend makes me feel like I'm ok.  He and I are a lot alike in the areas that I don't find comradery anywhere else.  He knows a side of me that no one else really knows.  He sees me with an angle that other's don't have.

When I woke up I wrote the lyrics to this song.

I was hoping that perhaps some of us could take a moment to be sure that we haven't left things unsaid.  

There are often 10, 20, maybe 100 good things that we think about someone for every one thing we might say.  But yet, something small can make a huge difference.

I've called and left a message, but I am going to make sure that this friend knows just how much he means to me and that even though we don't see each other very often, if he wasn't around, I would almost feel like a piece of me was missing.  

I think he does know even though I haven't said it.  But I want to make sure.

CAME UP LEANING

CAME UP LEANING  (click on title to listen)

I really struggle with Word Faith in a lot of ways.  And yet in many ways it works.  Sometimes when I get home from a trip and I know I'm going to be exhausted and emotional, I will tell Tina-Marie that I am going to be Word Faith for the week.  What I mean is that I am not going to let myself be emotional.  So am I denying how I really feel, thus being inauthentic?  Or am I choosing a higher road?  Crazy thing is – it works. But it feels like living a life of that, is living a life in denial in many ways.

I appreciate people's desire to believe for more, and the sincerity of it, but it's a bit like sickness – you know, you're sicker than a dog and you walk around saying you're healed.  Well, no you're not.  You're sick.  The body is suffering and you refuse to acknowledge it.  But then I think people do that with the soul too.  We have a church full of hurting Christians that walk around declaring that they will “rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice”.  Many of them are just dying inside from rejection and disappointment. They won't dare admit it for fear of appearing less spiritual. 

And we wonder why we are shallow and not whole?  

The world is filled with struggle and when we close our eyes to it, we deny a fundamental part of who we are as people. 

On the other hand, sitting in a pity party of emotions never really did me any good either so I suppose there is a balance of being authentic and knowing when to walk in something other than what we “feel”

I think of the scripture in Romans that says “For I am persuaded that neither death nor life nor angel or demon...”  I think that perhaps life can persuade us of a higher reality.  But without persuasion it just seems like empty inner chanting, often due to the fact that we are afraid we will come across less spiritual if the bill hanging on the fridge didn't get paid on time. 

But I feel like I am being persuaded of things these days and that causes me to want to believe in things that I might see or might not see in my life,  but regardless of what I see happen in my own life I will believe that such a thing exists.  (Now that's vague!) And I suppose that's where I differ from much of word faith. Just because something exists I don't believe I just demand that thing be manifest in my life.  And quite frankly when I do demand it I only set my self up for disappointment it seems.  

I have a friend Claudia and financially she is persuaded that she will be blessed.  She doesn't come across as just casting empty declarations into the air.  When she struggles, it's more like the current situation doesn't line up with what she has been persuaded her life will be. I personally don't have the same persuasion though I do have hope. 

Another friend of mine told me about his ex.  He said that she just moved into a condo that her parents completely paid for.  When she lived with him, he took care of her financially in amazing ways.  Basically to say she has been well taken care of.  When he told me the story, oddly my reaction was not what I would have expected.  Rather than think – lucky girl!!  She gets to live without every paying a mortgage or rent!  I thought this – poor thing.  

I was shocked at my reaction. And I was sincere.  My first thought – think of all the character that she will never have. 

That made me look up Romans 5.  We also rejoice in sufferings knowing that suffering produces endurance and endurance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint.   That sounds a little bit to me like suffering produces persuasion.  Or how about James that says we know that our testing produces endurance and when endurance has its perfect effect, we will be complete, not deficient in anything.

And what about the “hall of faith”.  Some of those guys made it into the fall of faith having NEVER seen the thing they were persuaded of. That didn't mean they lacked faith, it just meant that they believed in something regardless of whether or not they ever saw it.

I continue on my journey of persuasion.  It takes time for that.  I really can say that I am persuaded of things now that I once was not.  I don't know what will be, how things will turn out.  But there are things I believe in that don't require me seeing it to continue in my belief. 

CHOCOLATE COVERED LIFE (click title to hear song)

Letters falling
Gathered up by
Eves troff on the roof

Slide by me
Don't try and stand
Where you can't be

It could take long jump through the chorus
It could take a golden ticket through the world of chocolate covered life
To find home

Spinning backwards
Lights like Christmas
Eyes stuck in one place

Jump rope night wire
Sliced my attire
No one will know

Tug of War

TUG OF WAR (click on title to listen)


This tug of war where your hands pull
My hands know the rope won't hold me now
I wonder if you wait for me
To fall upon a broken knee and finally
We'd let go

It's a waiting game of holding breath
It's who can take the larger step first
It's a resume that I don't have
But I've become the rope instead so pull
We'd let go

UNDER "S"

UNDER "S" (click title to listen to song)

I am in Finland now and the people here are wonderful!  I must have been tired because I slept for 12 hours last night, minus the 5:00 am wake up (which was supper time at home) when I got up and ate a banana.  I find that sleep is not the biggest part of jet lag for me.  It's actually meals.  I wake up because it's meal time at home and my body thinks it's time to eat.

Did music and spoke last night.  It's a challenge speaking with an interpreter but we made it work.

Under "S" was written when I was attempting 100 songs in 30 days.  (took 45 days)

I'm sure most of us know someone who is incredibly smart and knows facts about things that are really random and seem useless... ok well at least useless to us.

A good friend of mine is like that.  He reads about everything from world history - politics - anteaters- medicine - philosophy.  The topic might be big or small.  Doesn't really matter.

One day he randomly started throwing out facts about sloths.  After going bug eyed, and laughing, I thought "who on earth carries around information about sloths on their brain's file folder?"  So Under "S" means the file "S" in his brain.

So I felt like I needed some useless facts too so I would write a song about it.  I can hardly keep up with needed facts! There's not much room in my brain for anything extra!  If I can keep straight when it's my turn to bring oranges to my son's soccer game, making sure flights are booked on time, handing in my invoices for work, and when all my kids special events are, I think I'm doing pretty good.

But this was my attempt anyway of entering the world of useless facts.

MY DAY IN VENICE!!!/merry-go-round

MERRY-GO-ROUND (click title to listen)

Woke at 2:30 am only because it was supper time on my time zone.  I find that's what wakes me up on another time zone, not the sleep part, but my stomach!

I was starving!  It was still 3 ½ hours until the continental breakfast opened. I checked my carry on suitcase and I had one little box of yogurt covered raisins.   That held me over for about an hour and then I went to the vending machine.  How could it be that I was in Italy and eating out of a vending machine.  At 6:01 I went downstairs and asked the front desk if there was breakfast.  It seemed quiet. He said it started at 7:00.  I was starting to turn crazy.

At 6:59, me and about 30 Chinese people stormed the breakfast room where I ate... um... well.... 2 plates of food, 2 bowls of cereal and 2 lattes.  Don't judge me, it was a long time of being hungry!

I walked to the train station shortly after and caught a train into Venice.  I sat in a section full of school kids and I wondered if my own kids would act like such clowns on such a trip.  They probably would. 

I got off the train and walked through the station.  It's an amazing set up!  You go through the doors of the train station and it's almost like a great reveal or something.  You enter Venice like you're entering a whole new world.  Literal chills ran down my spine and all over my body and you know that saying “it took my breath away”?  Well it's a real saying.  It took my breath away.  

I stood there and stared and wanted to cry, which seemed stupid but I have wanted to be in Italy for a long time. 

I took a water bus to the farthest side, Palasso Ducale, because I wanted to go to go to Teatro La Fenice, a famous theatre.  I got off the water bus and went straight for the first coffee shop where I ordered a latte and sat and looked around.  So far I heard about 5 different languages being spoken. One word: tourists!!

I took out my map and turned on my internal gps.  Ok, I could stay 5 nights in a hotel and when I left my room I would go the wrong way to the elevator every single time.  I have NO internal gps.  I paid really close attention though to where I was walking, looked at my really crappy map and set off.  

At first I didn't really care where I was because I was stunned by everything.  I hadn't realized there are NO cars.  The “streets” are so narrow that I can touch the sides of the buildings at the same time with each hand. 

Right – left, left – right – left, straight- right – dead end.  This would be a good time to explain something. You know the hulk?  He gets mad and turns into something totally different?  I have a similar thing inside and it's triggered by being lost.  There is no other time it comes out, but when I'm lost I turn into a literal monster.  Ask Kate, Anna, Sonia, my kids – there's no denying it.  I become a raging monster.   I could feel my “clothes” starting to tear as I transformed but I was doing my best to hold it off. 

I have NO idea how but I looked up and low and behold there was the theatre.  I paid my 10 euro which got me into the tour and let me take pictures.  It also got me a phone that I could listen to that was my own pre-recorded tour guide. 

I walked in and burst into tears.  It was spectacular.  I couldn't move. I couldn't breath.  I looked around at the detail and beauty and thought I might be dreaming.  I listened to the guide and I won't bore you with the details. (unless you're a history nerd, in which case you'd love the details!)

From there I decided to find my restaurant.  It was the one that is in my book Taverna del Campiello Remer!  It's where 2 characters in my book meet so I wanted to go there for lunch.  Ummmm... 2 hours perhaps I was lost.  I walked around in circles.  And squares and octagons and any other possible shape.  Being the polite Canadian, I didn't want to ask for help because I thought those poor people probably get that all day long! (American's would just ask... ooooo ouch – little jab just for Claudia!)

I passed 2 men sitting outside a pub and then I passed them again.  They smiled, ok, laughed at me.  The third time they called me over and asked where I was going.  I showed them the name and the guy who didn't speak English said he knew where it was and he would take me there.  I was suddenly wishing I had Liam Neeson as my dad just in case I was “taken”. 

He did indeed know where it was and I thanked them for their help and they asked for credits in my book :)

I went in and sat down and it was wonderful.  A guy there who spoke English asked if he could sit with me.  He was an ex employee and so when I said I was writing a book, he felt the need to give me a lot of details about the place. It was helpful. 

I took my computer out and wrote for a bit while I had all those details right in front of me. 

From here I needed to head to the big old bridge who's name I can't think of right now.  I walked in the wrong places again and decided that my map was from the devil.  Right when my monster was about to rear its ugly head I looked to my right and there was an H&M.  That's enough to calm anyone's monster.  Bought a black dress... gee really? Yep black.  14 euro. 

When I left the store I went in the total wrong direction and got lost again. Where is Kerrie when you need her?!  That woman has a creepy sense of direction!  The buildings are so stunning.  The water, the shapes of everything from the windows to the arch ways.  I mean it's really indescribable. 

I found where I needed to go (that's the short version) and crossed the bridge.  I needed to get to restaurant #2 for the book.  I walked and walked and walked and walked.  My back was cramped from the weight of my bag, my feet hurt. Still I was enjoying myself, holding my monster at bay!  Another 2 guys saw me looking lost and tried to help me. “go here then there then over there then fly to the moon and back.” That's all I heard!

I had some gelato just so Gail would be proud of me since I couldn't find the donuts. 

I gave up and decided that part of the book would have to be left to my imagination.  I was ticked to say the least and I think my monster got the best of me at one point when I said out loud “I hate this city!”  It's just the monster!  I don't hate the city!

I decided to sit down and just write so I could make the most of it.  I had another latte, I think my 4th for the day, and wrote outside in the sun.  It was really nice. 

All I had to do was get back to the train.  I couldn't believe how exhausted I was!  

On my way I saw a sign for the museum of modern art.  Not a huge museum fan but I had to go.  I followed the signs (and a lady with a map) and did a tour of that! Inspiring!

I did great getting to the train because I looked up in the sky and followed the seagulls assuming they were at the main body of water. I was right for once. 

I caught a look of myself in a window and laughed.  Humidity does wonders for the hair!  I figured I should go to the bathroom before I left and I was amazed that I had to pay.  I was suddenly glad that I really had to go!

Just before leaving I sat on the steps one more time and took out my computer looking through my story for more detail I could insert.  

I had one more gelato.

Overall, Venice seemed to me a bit like Time Square.  There's nowhere in the world I have ever been that's like it.  Wonderful to visit but I couldn't live there. 

Now I'm on the train back.  I'm stuffed! My monster is calmed. My day was spectacular. And I'm happy to go back to the hotel and sleep.  

Tomorrow - Finland!

As for the song above - I'm not going to say what it's about just yet... I would like to hear what people think first.  So feel free to comment.

Differences between men and women/DANCE AND MATH

DANCE AND MATH Click title to listen to song

She wants connection.  He wants space.  She wants to talk.  He wants some peace and quiet.  She wants to just go do something.  He wants to relax at home after a long day.  Of course these are generalizations but we read and chuckle cause we know that most of us fit into the stereotype. And there's a reason we do.

Women want 30 minutes of foreplay.  Men want 30 seconds. A women's hand writing is legible and a man's needs scientific analysis. In a women's public washroom, women collectively feel the responsibility for it's cleanliness.  Men..... yeah...
A woman's grocery cart has low fat yogurt, fruits, veggies, grains and lean meat.  A man has doritos, a frozen dinner, a pack of red bull for the day and beer for the night.

 woman knows what time her kids' ballet is, when the doctor's appointment is, how much money to send to school for hot lunch day and makes sure the kids nails are cut.  Men are like - we have kids right? (ok that was an exaggeration but it made for a good point so don't be offended males.  We all know that the modern day dad is much more participatory than ever before).

Women want details, need details, create details that aren't even there. Men just want to get to the point!

Don't the differences between men and women just fascinate you?  I would say in my top 5 friends, 2 are guy and 3 are girls, and it's a blast to have guys as friends. They are so easy going compared to girls.  They would rewrite the Robert Frost poem "two roads diverged in the woods and I took the one less dramatic and that has made all the difference"!!  I love the simplicity of men.  They don't play games.  They don't manipulate.  They mean what they say.  How refreshing!!!

Oddly 2 of my other girl friends are not dramatic at all either and then I have one who.... wellllll.... she just opened a School for the Emotionally Charged Female.  Courses include
-How to Over Analyze in 30 min
-How to drown in water up to the ankle
-Misunderstanding Male actions
-The Art of Interpreting Male Text Messages

I'm sure you know a few of the students who are attending and some who have graduated from the program with a Masters.

One day she wanted me to meet her for coffee because she needed to process about a text she had received from a guy.  We sat down at our regular spot at Starbucks and she leaned across the table.
"Ok!" She opened up, "Here's what he texted."
She showed me her phone which read exactly "see you later...".

"What do you think he means?" she asked.

I stopped myself from giving her a look like she was the most challenged female in the world.

"Ummm," I said, "he means 'see you later"

"Yeah but what about the '...'?' she asked.

"He just means 'see you later'.  Guys mean what they say.  If he said see you later then he means that.  The '...' probably just means an extension of the later."

"Yeah but I mean he didn't say when or give a time or anything.  Maybe he is just blowing me off."

"Nope.  He just means 'see you later'"

My answer wasn't satisfying her.

Ok really? I slammed my hands down on the table!!  "HOW MANY ESTROGEN PILLS DID YOU TAKE THIS MORNING?!!!!"

"WHAT!!!?" she said in frustration.

"He means see you later. Period.  That's us females that hide our meaning inside of everything and require reading between the lines.  Guys don't do that.  He just means he'll see you later."

Ironically, I walked across the street to meet a guy friend for lunch.  He had wanted to talk. (odd!)  I sat down and he handed me his phone.  "Can you help me?  What does she mean by this....."  Oh dear!

I think we often like people who are similar to us.  There is an instant connection and it's not a lot of work to create a relationship.  But there is something much more satisfying for me about looking through another person's perspective. Sometimes it's a struggle to put on another person's glasses and see life the way they do, but I feel the uniqueness of life when I do.

I like what's different from me far more than I like what's similar.

Sometimes I'm offended when I feel like my male friends don't take me seriously enough but then I realize that perhaps I shouldn't be taking myself quite so seriously.

Dance an Math was written about men and women, how we are different but yet there is this incredible connecting ground where meet.

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE MUSIC

FRUIT TREE/this weeks trip

FRUIT TREE


This weeks trip!

8:00 pm- sitting in Calgary airport watching the sun set eating a seafood sub which they don't have where I live. I eat my seafood subs with barbecue sauce. Is that gross? The guy making is laughed out loud.
I have 36 hours of travel ahead of me. Long story!
I'm flying British Air and I never do. That's party of the long story. So no upgrades to first class. I think I've become a travel princess.
They have just a random sink beside the food court for washing your hands. Great idea and someone with the same OCD as me ate here once!

Need to charge my phone and computer cause I don't know if BA has outlets on plane. Air Canada does. Just sayin.

Fruit tree was written after Feet Foxes came out with their new CD about 2 years ish ago.  There was a song on that album about green apples or something. (it's been a while since I listened to and frankly I wasn't as much of a fan of this CD as I was of the other one I have)  I had previously been listening to Angus and Julie Stone and they have a song as well talking about fruit trees.  I thought - wow to be legit, I have to have a fruit song, a mango one I think.  So I decided to write fruit tree.  When I am talking about the neighbours I am referring to those 2 bands.

8:30 - flight is delayed. I'm sitting on the floor against the wall charging my electronics.  I've already started editing my book!  So thrilled.

THE CAT

The Cat (right here... this is where you click to listen)

It's amazing how other people want me to be in a relationship.  I think they feel bad for me and want me to have some things that I haven't had before.  It's good intentions I know... interesting though.

So one new years eve, my friend and I decided that it would be a good idea for me to make a list of what I want in a man. I did it reluctantly.  I know that there are people who are really into that but it can seem a little rude to me.  I know.  I know.  How will I know when Prince Charming comes along if I don't know what I'm looking for. bla bla bla... can you see my eyes rolling?

So making the list was significantly more difficult than I had expected.  We revisit it every 6 months to see if things change.  And we chose our top 5 traits that are most important to us.  Want to know mine? Let me see if I can remember.  Sorry for those Christians who are offended by my non spiritual list.

1. Hard working!!!!!!!!!!!!! (you can just have those !!! go on for the rest of the blog)
2. Intelligent (so sexy!)
3. Kind
4. Gracious (It's more important than one might realize.  When you make as many mistakes as I do, it's am important trait!)
5.  Well you'll have to listen to the song to find out what the last of the important things are!

Anyway, a piano student of mine sent me this piano track and I free form sang my list over top if it.
And please... don't take it too seriously... you'll know why soon enough.

Mountain Man

No time to write today but here's the song.

Mountain Man

Philosopher's Fight

I have been studying Philosophy lately and I found an on line intro course by Richard Brown so I decided I would take it.  It's just a series of videos outlining some of the basics.

What I have been trying to do is understand each person's view without immediately finding all the faults with it (if I am arrogant enough to do that, which unfortunately I think I am).

I was fascinated by Plato's ontological dualism, and his elevated thoughts of Forms or Ideas.  I liked the thought of there being an ideal beauty, an ideal justice, an ideal circle for that matter.  It seemed romantic and rich to think of an intelligible world.

That lead me to consider God's attributes and I wanted to jam pack Plato's Forms into who God is and frankly I did and you can argue that with me later.

The glory of God being one of the Ideals.

Stepping forward I considered that we fall short of the glory and really that was Plato's idea of the physical world.  It was merely a copy, a shadow, of the Ideal world.  Or in essence, it was the falling short of the Glory/Form.

So right when I was about to get "Plato Rules" tattooed on my shoulder, I ran into Aristotle. (I don't have any tattoos)
Aristotle basically said (and I am colloquially paraphrasing) - Hey don't dis the physical world because without it things like beauty, justice, goodness, roundness, redness, being, etc would have nowhere to express themselves!

So I joined the ranks of Aristotelian army and shouted "Yeah Plato!" from my rooftop with a sweat band across my forehead and 3 pages of well practiced syllogisms in my hands.

Aristotle was where it was at!  He was bringing it home with the concrete concepts and something that made me feel safe and secure.  I ditched to romantic ideas of Plato and held tightly to my deductive argument!

I couldn't help but think though that both of them brought something beautiful to the table (which we aren't sure exists, but we'll get to that).

I skipped ahead to Descartes and I have to be honest.  I had an attitude.  Knowing very little about him, I just thought he was going to take me on mental journey and disprove everything in life and I would be left disillusioned and frustrated.   I found the same type of feeling I did with Aristotle.   Using his Method of Doubt he brought things down to a small list of things that we can know are necessarily true.   Though the list was small, it gave me a sense of security for some reason.

It was a good thing because along came Locke, Berkeley and Hume and let's just say if our mind was a house, they took it and tipped it upside down, shook it and placed it back where it was. All three are Empiricists and believe that we can only come to know things through our senses, the exact opposite of Descartes.  Good job boys!

Locke raised some points that I liked thinking about, Berkeley was ridiculous and infuriating and Hume I liked but... well... Let's just say I was ready for whoever was gonna come and bring an argument against all this stuff.

And onto the scene walked Kant.  I have to say, part of the reason I started the whole thing was because I wanted to get to Kant.  I'm not sure why, but something about him intrigued me.

To explain what he did for the whole barnyard is a little bit difficult without using a bunch of big words that won't make sense so I will just say that he told those experience oriented lunatics that they could have all the fun they wanted in their land of sensing but that they too should appreciate the physical world because it creates the place for the experience to happen.

Bottom line, the romance of philosophy and the logic of it have somehow been wed together in my mind.
I am still only a baby on the topic and have far too much to learn, but I wrote this song yesterday after listening to Kant tell the empiricists that they needed to appreciate the physical world and a priori knowledge because it allowed them to "know" using their senses.

I've held off on the tattoo for now.  I'm realizing I'm fickle and if I'm not careful I might end up with a full sleeve by the time this study is over!

"The Italians"

I decided a few months back that I wanted to do a life long study of the history of western civilization.  I'd like to stress "life long" because I'm well aware of the fact that it's not a topic that's tackled in a short amount of time.

I started with the 1500's for some random reason and it lead down a variety of rabbit trails.  I find there are 2 kinds of people in this world: the linear and the non linear.

I create puzzle pieces and put them together after they are created. Other people need to create one piece and then create the next piece that attaches.   So starting in the 1500's and jumping all around didn't bother me really.

I don't know if other artists feel this way but if I get too inspired and have no outlet for the inspiration I end up depressed.  So after only a week of reading about Ivor Stravinsky who was considered one of the most important and influential composers of the 20th century,  Pina Bausch a German choreographer born in 1940, and a few of the philosophers that I would later dive into, I was caving in!!

I decided that the only way I was going to be able to continue studying without falling into the utter pits of depression was to find a way to create while learning.  I decided I would write a historical fiction novel.  It would be about a woman who lived for centuries and she would weave into the lives of men and women of history.  This way I could study people, cuisine, architecture, illness, religion, philosophy, and history all at the same time.

It worked!  Sometimes I would spend 2 hours studying just for the authenticity of 2 sentences.

The woman in the story is looking for something.  She has memories starting from a certain place in her life but before that she has no memory.  She has only flashes, pictures of what was.  She is looking for something and all the while trying to understand who she is and why she continues to live the way she does.

After being a part of the lives of Thomas Aquinas, Francis Beaumont, Spinoza, Harriet Tubman, the Wright Brothers and a handful of others, she ends up in Venice Italy where she finally, after thousands of years, finds what she is looking for.

I know! Don't you want to know what it is?  Well I'm not going to tell.  BUT!  I leave in one week for Venice.  I'm going to go to the places where the story ends.  To the place where she finds what she is looking for and remembers who she is and where she is from.

I've never done anything quite like this before.  In some ways my hopes are so high that I'm afraid of being disappointed but on the other hand - IT'S ITALY!!

I've always joked (not joking) that when my kids graduate I will pack up and move to Italy where I will own a coffee shop and a dance studio.  There are a few of us girls that are convinced we will be single forever so we call ourselves "The Italians" and our plan is to escape and live there forever.

Light of the Moon

This knot in my stomach is only undone by you
And the weight of my head weighs light on your shoulder
Can I be born again tonight
With the light of the moon that fully shines with you

There's peace that passes all my understanding
And hope that rise new with every morning
And in your wings I find a place
Of refuge and I see the grace I need

Art of the Pyramid

ART OF THE PYRAMID song of the day

I had a series of dreams over a few months and in the dreams I was on a journey looking for the meaning of life.  I visited all kinds of countries, met different people, was surrounded by things that inspire me (art, architecture, nature).

I think the dreams were brought on by my study of existentialism.  The beauty that I saw inside those dreams was astounding.

In one dream I was caught in a maze and the walls of the maze were actually lines of poetry.  It was as though I was caught inside of poem.  It was incredible.

I know the typical Christian answers about the meaning of life and depending on your theology, those meanings will differ.

I don't think that God is so self centered that he created us with meaning that is only attached to who we are in Him.  Ultimately, if you follow that thinking through, there is no meaning or value in who we are apart from God.  I know that concept raises some questions but does a painting only have meaning because of who painted it?

I think a lot of those answers are ones that each individual has to come up with on their own, an answer satisfying to the person.

So this song was written after the last dream.  I knew it was the last dream and did I find the meaning of life inside those dreams.............?