Come to me

Come to me

We played the pipe

We played the pipe

Disciples Instructions

Disciples Instructions

According to your faith

According to your faith

Jesus heals dead girl

Jesus heals dead girl

Workers into the fields

Workers into the field

Faith of Centurion

Faith of Centurion

ask seek knock

Ask Seek Knock

Jesus and the woman at his feet

Jesus and the woman at his feet

I dig this one.

Jesus heals man with Leprosy

Jesus heals man with Leprosy

Narrow and wide

Narrow and Wide

Decided I would make my way through the parables of the new testament and sing scripture for a while.  It's a good refresher and it almost always opens up new thoughts and perspectives.

THIRD MINOR

THIRD MINOR

TIME TO RUN

TIME TO RUN

WEANING

WEANING

LOOKING FOR CHANGE

LOOKING FOR CHANGE

It's interesting that we go through so many things in life, both joys and hurts and certain things stand out to us for reasons we don't know about.

Sometimes the smallest things mean the most.

I haven't had an easy life, like many people.  I have been through a lot even as a child.  I am sure that there are many memories that could have been the winner for  the "Most Painful"award, but this memory stands out for me more than any other.

My parents had divorced and my sister and I lived with my mom.  She worked a few jobs trying to make life work for us and like many single moms out there she barely made it, perhaps sometimes she didn't make it.  It almost bothered me how hard she tried which seems a bit strange but I could feel the shame of her efforts.

I was proud of her for working hard and for taking care of her kids without any outside financial help.  But I often wished that there was a way I could have let her know that it was ok.  We lived in a trailer park, wore second hand clothes and sometimes my mom would get vegetables from the grocery store that couldn't be sold anymore but were still decent enough to eat.

It was a summer day and the ice cream truck was making its rounds through the trailer park.  From inside the house you could hear the sound of the bells from the truck and the sound of a vocal collage of "mom!" that was going through the air from the kids that were playing outside.

Like all the kids, my little sister and I said the same thing.  "The ice cream truck!  The ice cream truck!"

You know that drawer in your house?  The junk drawer!  The one that has the pens with no lids, an empty roll of tape, left over batteries, a set of spare car keys to a vehicle you're not sure anyone even owns.  And at the bottom of that drawer is always the change that someone threw in there when there was nowhere else to put it.  You know that drawer?   My mom went to that drawer and started scrambling through  it looking for change for us to have ice cream.

Somehow, though I was only around 10 years old, I knew that she didn't have money for the ice cream truck. But that wasn't all I knew.  For that moment I felt her shame in a profound way.

Being the good little actress that I was, I started to say that I didn't really want an ice cream that day. I wanted to take away her shame and her sense of failure and I thought that if I didn't want the ice cream she wouldn't feel like she had to give it to me.

There's not a moment in my childhood that impacted me like that one.  It's the picture of her going through the junk drawer wishing life was different, wanting to hide from us that once again she was falling short.  She never would have let us know that she couldn't do it.  Somehow though, we knew.

"She was looking for change, looking for change, she was looking for change."

PRINCESS GEORGE

PRINCESS GEORGE

Princess George came to town
With a binder full of chords
Under his arm his lyrics fell like bricks without the Lord

We liked the way he wooed
And wound his way around the town
And sipped his wine with a smile
And liked to dine without the common folks

He needs his vitamin B
And the right coffee
Need me to carry his bags

every night


We laughed until our bellies hurt
And rolled in cream an jelly
We slapped high 5's at our success
We all linked arms like we were   one of a kind

and we slapped high 5's at our success

And then we sat around the fire
With princess George and friends
We passed the ale and the nightingale
Told secrets no one knew

He passed around his Wish list
Said if he returned
We all must sing the songs
Each one of us had learned

I dropped my ale and spit my mouthful
Right into the fire
Looked at princess George and said
"it's time I should expire"

happiness

HAPPINESS

Different looks on love

MY SUNSHINE

I created this through observations of different people.  I tried to make them each slightly extreme and I'm sure that most people will find themselves a combo of each.  But I would really love to hear people's thoughts on this.

	PROFILE #1	PROFILE #2
Where it starts?  The preconceived dream	There is no preconceived ideal for this person.  She carries no ideal around looking for a person who fits her dream.  Rather, she accepts individuals for who they are and when she loves, it is merely a byproduct to the appreciation of the qualities of the person she meets.  These women are not looking for love specifically.  Love may come as a result of knowing a person but the primary focus is not the feelings, rather the individual.	Love with expectation starts before the person being loved is even met.  For example, young girls dream of growing up to marry and have children.  They dream about what their husband will be like and how she will be treated.    This immediately sets up a love with expectation because without realizing, the woman has created a subconscious template and looks for a suitable fit for her already conceived idea. Some women go as far as to make lists of traits they want and pull out their check list when they meet a person to be sure he fits what she wants. This woman STARTS OUT with an idea of what she wants.  Though the thought may be offensive, in essence, she already has a certain level of "love" for a person she hasn't even met. These women are looking for love.
Expectations	With no list to fulfill, this woman can more freely accept individuals for who they are and don't feel the need to change them.  Expectation is low if existing at all.  They feel that a person will give what they want to give and to ask for anything more is selfish.	The preconceived ideal creates expectation.  The woman wants and expects the relationship to be a certain way.  She feels that relationships by their definition allow for expectations.   Her check list needs to be met. For example, she would expect that a true friend would respond to her in a certain way.  That's not an expectation she would have on an acquaintance.  She would have a different expectation on a romantic relationship.   Her expectations are defined by societies definition and her own personal definition of that relationship.
Changing for someone	This person accepts people without the desire to change them.  When accepting someone, they accept both their strengths and their weaknesses.  They take responsibility for their own emotions and don't ask someone else to accommodate them.   In turn, they feel the freedom to be themselves and not have to receive burdens laid on them by another person.   They view change in 2 types of ways: 1. The transferring of burdens from other people which is viewed as selfish. 2.  Identifying a problem and correcting it.  They would not require a person to change in order to create happiness for themselves. Bottom line, they don't expect someone to change to make them happy because they are responsible for their own happiness.	Change and compromise is very important to this person.  They value working together as 2 people to satisfy each other's needs.   They feel relationships are give and take and that depending on that relationship's definition, change is part of working together as one unit.  The negative side to this is that one person can be demanding change when the other is not wanting to give it.  This person feels that the person they love is somewhat responsible for their happiness.  When they don't feel fulfilled, they begin to require change.
Betrayal	For this person, to sin against love is to betray the other person and also themselves.  They take full responsibility for how they feel.  They do not expect the other person to be responsible in any way.  They are satisfied in loving, not being loved.  Because this person is taking 100% responsibility for their emotions, they would view betraying love as betraying something that they are responsible for.  Therefore, to sin against love is to sin against themselves as well as the other person.	For this person, to sin against love is to sin against not only a person but the ideal itself.  In some ways, the ideal, the list, becomes a "person" it itself.  When the list is not being filled properly, this person has internal conflict because they are betraying what they view as their values.  In essence, they are betraying that "person" or idea.  The person becomes as loyal to their ideal as they are to the actual person.
Disappointment	Disappointment is also low because without expectation there can be little disappointment.  The person is free to appreciate what they are given and treat it like a gift that was not owed to them.  When that gift is not there, they don't suffer disappointment because they never expected it in the first place.	Because the woman has made her list and checked it twice, she suffers a great deal of disappointment when the man does things that are not on her list.  From there she feels the need to change him though she probably wouldn't admit it.  Or in other words, she feels the need to control him.   There is a constant clash between her reality and this ever present ideal that she has created for herself. This can happen in parenting as well.  A woman who has a deep preconceived ideal of parenthood can often be disappointed when the reality of it hits.  Then she suffers feeling guilty because if she is really honest, she feels disappointed in reality.

If you wouldn't mind, could you click back on facebook and make your comments?  I'm really curious.